Thursday, September 29, 2005

CHANGE OF PACE

Jenny and I drive to work separately each morning since I have to be in earlier than she does, and we always talk via instant messenger when she gets in to see how each other's commute went. We then keep our messengers on all day to exchange quick notes or to check in with one another, and we are also in constant email communication via our ever-present Blackberries.

Our conversations are always pretty funny and a usually bit wacky, so I figured it might be good blog material. I mean, why let good stuff like that go to waste! In that regard, from time to time whenever we have a good convo on the messenger or on email, I am going to post some of it out here for public consumption. Try to change things up from the vicious political battleground that this blog has become, and get back to what it was originally intended to be. I would suggest that everyone else try doing the same. If you hear a funny story or a good joke, have a weird email exchange, see a good movie, hear a song with great lyrics, have a funky dream, get your face pissed on by your dog (yes, this happened to me), or anything else that makes your day interesting, log on here and post it. That's what this is all about!

Anyway, onto my post...

I was planning on posting today about the massive influx of mutants in our society, and how they are popping up everywhere lately. These are the drones that meander aimlessly through life, constantly getting in your way, stopping right in front of you when they know you are walking behind them, driving 15 miles under the speed limit in the passing lane, parking their car blocking you in, hitting you with their shopping cart at the grocery store, taking 10 minutes to come up with an order at the McDonalds drive-through, not knowing how to operate the simplest of machinery such as an ATM or parking meter, etc etc. You know who I'm talking about. They are all around us, and it is getting worse. Kinda like aliens are coming down in the middle of the night and breeding with humans to produce a new mutant humanoid species.

So this morning the mutants were in rare form, and really pissed me off on my way to work, and I expressed my anger in a messenger conversation with Jenny. It turned out to be a really funny exchange, and very blog-worthy. Hopefully you've seen Anchorman, because our humor is always laced with jokes and innuedo from that movie.

So, just like those retarded On-Star radio commericals, the following is an actual conversation between Jenny and myself...

Jason Hutchinson: so how was your drive?

Jenny Vance: It was OK, not too bad at all

Jason Hutchinson: cool

Jenny Vance: how was yours?

Jason Hutchinson: i noticed there are a lot of mutants out today

Jenny Vance: Ugh, not the mutants!

Jenny Vance: What happened?

Jason Hutchinson: just a ton of shitbags doing 35 down Santa Fe and fucking everything up. i was doing a slalom course the whole way trying to pass them

Jason Hutchinson: then the parking lot was full of them too. i had to wait like 10 minutes while they fucked around and tried to figure out how to use the pay machine

Jason Hutchinson: why the fuck do people still insist on paying for parking with cash???? just stick your friggin debit card in there and be done with it! it's the same damn thing!

Jenny Vance: Well, sometimes they are stupid with their cards.

Jenny Vance: This guy I was behind had to fiddle with his card, getting it from his wallet, and didn't move out of the way til he got it back in his wallet and in his pocket

Jenny Vance: It's like, you know you are going to have to pay, be fucking prepared and have your card ready!

Jason Hutchinson: i know it!! use your god damn head!!

Jason Hutchinson: MUTANTS!

Jenny Vance: Yes

Jason Hutchinson: i had a lady that paid and then pulled the receipt out and stood there reading it, blocking the machine, for like 20 seconds while there was a line of people behind her

Jenny Vance: WOW

Jenny Vance: What a tard

Jason Hutchinson: i actually walked up beside her into her peripheral vision to kind of snap her out of it

Jason Hutchinson: and gave her a look of death, of course

Jenny Vance: You should have said, MOVE SMELLY PIRATE HOOKER

Jason Hutchinson: LOL

Jason Hutchinson: i should have slapped her in public

Jenny Vance: GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND

Jason Hutchinson: watch out for the guns...they'll getcha...

Jenny Vance: Yes, they will

Comments:
I just came from the grocery store and was stuck behind the lady paying by check. Handwritten, good ole check. I din't think ya could do that anymore. I always pick the wrong friggin line, man. Always. 20 minutes later I exited the store into a driving rain storm. I got absolutey drenched. Nice! Ahh, that feels better.
 
Exactly man! Why on earth would you write a check for groceries??? Your bank will give you a debit card for free, lady!! The money all comes out of the same freakin' account! God damn these mutants...
 
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